Hi, ytd or shld i say 2days ago was qianru's birthday chalet?
haha actually her chalet quite fun, played cards/games? Enjoyed it really, actually i enjoyed the part whereby we stayed over and chit chatted, we didnt sleep. Pg, emil, qianru and me shared a room.
Due to pg having to work the next morning he had the bed all to himself haha
den 3 of use shared a bed, chit chatted all night? Not bad i actually enjoyed the conversation.
well, considering me an introvert, dont speak to others, during the conversation where i talk with qianru along with emil, surprisingly i talked to emil, it wasnt actually a lot but its an improvement, LOL

but i still suck at socializing :(

At the chalet, i didnt talk much, perhaps i am worried that if i talk no one would reply me :(
Due to the reason in primary school i am afraid of expressing my opinion in front of other people because i always get ignored back then..

To others i maybe unfriendly, i also dont want it to be this way ....

I seriously need to talk more, be more sociable, BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE!!!!
Alright now, sigh... need to report for work everyday...how sian can it be? i dun want to drift apart from my good friend, okay i treat her like best friend? HAHA
because we went through so much together. she was dere for me when i was at the lowest point of my life : contemplating suicide, slashing myself, talking abt dying.

I tink BACK THEN i've got depression? (DO NOTE, BACK THEN, DONT COME BRING THE PAST UP OKAY?)

Because she was the only one who listened to all my problems, encourage me to pamper myself, etc etc.

and now even she encourage me to have confidence in myself, abt my body, looks etc.
Bcos i always lack confidence, having negative thoughts abt myself etc ... sigh i dont know how to make these negative feelings go away but trying.


The thought of after graduation, we will not really contact anymore really saddens me ...
This applies to all of my frens/buddy too...

sigh...i am a little afraid to be left all alone, because, naturally when all of my friends move on to polytechnic they will make new friends and move on with their lives, i am scared that i will keep holding on to the past, to be stuck in the past forever...

Bcos i'm a really sentimal person, i am really afraid of changes,  meeting new people. :(
But i really hope for the best for all of them, even as we start to grow apart.

Maybe its time for an independant lifesyle...sigh

But i will miss having someone to talk to abt my problems, everything and anything under the sun.
It will be so hard for me to find anyone that close anymore, which is why now i will treasure each and everyone of them, even if u dun regard me as close friends or anything.

i cannot say that i am the best friend that anyone can find, but if u guys need anything i will be there, will miss each and everyone of you ALOT....


Okay back to reality, sigh im gna be really busy from friday onwards, bcos i will be working 2 jobs at the same time...
which means less time for friends and family......
sian... but i hope its only on a temporary basis.

sigh...